Mama Miller Parenting

Passionate parenting and homemaking.

Domestically Impared

on December 11, 2013

I absolutely adore being a stay at home mom. It is by far the hardest and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I’m good with wiping noses and bottoms. Tantrums suck, but they happen.

Am I a good mom? Eh, overall I do ok.

A good wife? I try.

But a domestic goddess I am not.

My perfect housekeeping gene is broken. I’m domestically impaired. I keep a decently clean house, but I will never have my home on the cover of Good Housekeeping.

It is okay. I have other talents. I’ve made peace with the toys on the floor. (One day my children will call when their foot is impaled by a Lego one of their kids left out… And I’ll smile.) I’m not going to fret over my bookshelf being jumbled. (It will just get jumbled again.)

If you are a domestic goddess, I applaud you. I’m glad you are using your talent. Keep on scrubbing and changing decorations to fit the seasons and creating elaborate lunch box dioramas for your kids’ lunches. (That is what you do, right?)

This post is for the rest of us. For those who don’t care about “Tablescapes” or “Perfect Parsnip Soup”.

I submit for approval from my domestically challenged sisters my idea for a new magazine: Mediocre Housekeeping.

Article ideas:

How to Avoid Your Home Looking Like an Episode of Hoarders

Best Deodorants: When you haven’t had a shower in three days and may be harboring cereal fugitives in your hair

Strategies for Peeing Alone: A guide to getting 5 minutes a day to urinate in peace

How to Have Adequate “Adult Time” When the Baby Will Wake Any Minute: It won’t knock his socks off, but it’ll do.

I am covered in sleeping kids and I have to pee. What now?

Surviving the Tantrum: When your child collapses in the bread aisle.

How many days can I wear these yoga pants before I need to wash them?

Where are Max and Ruby’s parents? An investigation.

A Guide to Period Panties

Breastfeeding Etiquette: Just deal with it or look away.

Getting three kids and a dog into the car

Where do all the socks go?

Yep… I’d read that magazine.

9 responses to “Domestically Impared

  1. MamaSuperPow says:

    SIGN ME UP! Will there be a mobile version, so I can read it while wrangling my Childebeasts? Ok, ok, just textbme pics of the pages, no need to stress over an interactive version.

  2. kerihouchin says:

    Hahaha I would totally read that. And also want to be a contributor! I will say, though, that things get a little easier when everyone is at school for 7 glorious hours a day.

  3. I would read it. And contribute! 🙂 Love the idea. I have gotten over the fact my house is never going to look like the magazine houses. And I am starting to develop callouses on my feet so I don’t even feel the toys anymore!

  4. Sign me up! Lifetime subscription!

  5. Ana'sMom says:

    ❤ it!!! I'd gladly be a contributing editor!!

    Weekly Column:
    Breaking Sanity…or, one toddler's attempt to take over the world.
    (A single mom's look back at the one thing that almost undid her for the week, and how to come out alive.)

    Articles: How to pee with an infant/toddler when at a rest stop….or at Target. Link to – over-the-door-baby-hanger…

    What my toddler is crying about today – "No, you can't eat dog poop…"

    Precious Sleep – learning to catnap whenever the baby sleeps – really, the dishes will do themselves eventually.

  6. Winding road says:

    Fantastic! I’ll submit an article called, “The Un-Crafty Mom: How NOT doing a daily project may actually be good for your kids” 😉

  7. roadtofertility says:

    This is amazing and I’m right there with you! I will never be one of those moms….tried to be but decided I would chose my sanity over a sparkling clean house any day. If I can choose sleep over mopping, you can guess what wins. Sometimes I feel guilt when I go to someone’s house and am met with a spic and span home..then I realize, oh wait..they have no kids. Well duh it’s clean.

  8. gdemarco89 says:

    Oh my gosh, those article titles had me laughing hysterically! Which is dangerous at almost 9 months pregnant, since I almost peed my pants 🙂 I don’t do table scapes, but my house is very clean and organized, and to be honest I am totally jealous of moms who are okay with clutter because I literally drive myself nuts with my own neuroticism! I definitely have OCD and I hate that I cannot relax when there is one popcorn kernel lingering near the couch or my hubby puts his lunchbox in the wrong spot! I would read your magazine….maybe it would calm me down!!

  9. Karrick Dyer says:

    I’ve often wonder the same thing about Max and Ruby. Also wondered why Max didn’t run away to escape Ruby.

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