Mama Miller Parenting

Passionate parenting and homemaking.

The ‘Good’ Baby

on November 23, 2013

It happens so often. In grocery stores and malls and parks everywhere. People asking the question that brings prickly stress and annoyance to my soul.

“Is he/she a good baby?”

What does that even mean?!

Please stop asking new moms this question. Just don’t.

Every baby is a good baby.

A baby who sleeps through the night from 4 weeks does not possess more ‘goodness’ than a baby with colic who barely sleeps for the first year.

They are babies. Innocent. Perfect. Beautiful.

There is no such thing as a bad baby.

Some babies are, however, easier than others. It doesn’t make them good.

Some are clingy or have high needs. Being difficult doesn’t make them bad.

Please, I beg you, don’t ask it. It is inappropriate and can make new moms feel awkward. A mom with a high needs baby already has seeds of insecurity about their abilities. Questions like this only help that insecurity grow.

Don’t ask if they’re sleeping through the night yet. Or if they are on an eating schedule.

Ask them how they’re doing.

Ask them if you can do anything to help them out.

Ask if you can pray for them or with them about anything.

Or just tell them what a great job they’re doing.

New moms are incredibly strong and incredibly fragile. They are precious like their sweet babes. Let’s build them up. Growing healthy moms benefits us all. Their weary, beautiful hands are shaping the next generation.

With love,
Mama Miller

P.S.  Baby F is doing well. He eats when he eats. He sleeps when he sleeps. He smiles and he cries. He gives great snuggles. He, like all babies, is a good baby.

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9 responses to “The ‘Good’ Baby

  1. Reblogged this on mommytrainingwheels and commented:
    Mama Miller has put into words what has been bugging me ever since I became a mom. I’ve always hated being asked if my son was a good baby, or if he was sleeping through the night. I know that they questions are asked with good intentions, but they can (will?) indeed make a parent question themselves even more.

  2. Thanks for this! I’ve never been able to put it into words, but the “good baby” question (among others) has always bothered me. I’m happy to hear that baby F is doing well :).

  3. roadtofertility says:

    Omg what a good post!! Everyone needs to read this! I have twins and one twin is more high needs than the other..so people think that one twin is happy and good and my other is..not so much. It’s annoying! Both babies are amazing and wonderful even if one might require more than the other. Love this.

  4. reinventionofmama says:

    I loved this post. My grandma was around 83 or so when my twins were born (3 months early). When we finally got them home and big enough to visit she asked “which ones a better baby?” And I nearly croaked. “Better at what, Granny?” I asked respectfully. They are both good!

  5. Jacqueline says:

    I find that I am guilty of this myself. I always tell myself that Noah is such a good baby but I am mostly basing this off of his sleeping and eating patterns. My daughter is due in a couple months and I often fear that she will be “bad,” as in she will never sleep or eat when I want her to. I need to seriously fix my vocabulary! All babies are good babies:)

  6. Winding road says:

    Such a good point! That is such an awful question when people ask. I dislike that one as much as “oooo, he/she doesn’t look happy” just because my kid is cautious and not smiling at you doesn’t mean he’s mad, sad or tired. I got that a lot with both of my cautious babies and it irritated me.

  7. Valerie says:

    So very true!
    Well said.

  8. keeping it all together with 7 kids says:

    That is really an awful question isn’t it?! I’m not ever sure how to answer that.Out of my 7 I’ve had easy going babies, very needy babies, colic babies, reflux babies. Never considered them to be bad!

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