Beautiful Messy Life

I have been crazy stressed out this week. Little things have been leaving me flustered. I can feel anxiety rising up in my shoulders. Even my pores are rebelling in the form of zits. I have stress/anger cleaned the house a few times this week.

I admit I am imperfect and do not always accept God’s peace and comfort when I ought. I refuse to slow down because I know I’ll cry.

Today someone dear to us had surgery to remove cancer. The doctor came out to us with good news of a smooth surgery. A night in the hospital. A few weeks recovery. No chemo.

Minutes later another doctor came out to the family next to us in the waiting room. A young mom’s world was shattered. Her husband’s cancer was inoperable and he only has days to live.

It was painful to watch as she embraced family and friends. Her pastor prayed with family members. Someone brought in her children, not much older than my own. I have never been so heartbroken for a stranger.

We cannot live in fear of losing those we love, but we have to live knowing we aren’t guaranteed more time. It is such a fine balancing act that we must do as parents. We instill values and morals for the future but still have to treasure and embrace the now. I can’t let me kids live a life with no rules or consequences but I can let them get dirty and splash in the rain.

I am constantly humbled by the amazing little people God has entrusted to me. The weight of responsibility is sometimes crushing but those are usually the time when I forget to trust. I am unimaginably blessed and I hope I remember to cherish my loved ones while I have them.

Broken Ears and The Mean Mom

Last Night:
“Please go get ready for bed.”
“…”
“K, please go potty and get ready for bed.”
“…”
“Oh my goodness! Look over there!”
“What?!”
“Oh, so your ears are working. Go get ready for bed.”
“… *sigh* Okay…”

Today:
“Are your ears broken? You haven’t been listening to mommy lately.”
“Yes, they’re broken.”
“Do you need to go to the doctor to get your ears fixed.”
“Yes. The doctor will fix my ears.”
“Okay, Let’s go to the doctor. she can give you a shot to fix your ears and we can take lots of naps too.”
“I don’t want a shot.”
“But I thought your ears were broken?”
“They are working now.”

Anyone else have broken ear days?

We’ve had a weekend of broken ears. K has decided to flat out ignore me on several occasions. I’ve had to be the mean mom a lot- imposing time-outs and taking away privileges.

It breaks my heart for my kids to miss out on things. I don’t like being the bad guy. It gives me absolutely no joy to have them miss out on the fun things we have planned.

(Ok, occasionally the toy taken away is super annoying and it might make me just a little happy to see it go for a while.)

As a Christian, I often wonder if God feels that way about us. Does it make Him sad to see us miss out on potential blessings because of our sin and stubbornness? Does He mourn when His plans for us are put aside when we go our own way? Parenthood has definitely brought a deeper level of thought to my faith.

This is K sitting in the high chair at Nonna’s today:

Despite urging and pleading he refused to eat his lunch today. He eventually ended up in the high chair because he would not sit up and eat like a big boy. He missed out on time playing with his cousin. Only when the choice became eat and go play or we would go home and nap, did he finally relent and happily scarf down his food.

It was all food he liked but he wanted to play instead of eat. I hope he learned that doing what you are asked the first time will get you what you want faster. Hopefully his little ears will heal this week and we can do all the fun things we like to do.

Kid Humor v. Parent Humor

I find my kids to be hilarious. They also fancy themselves (and Daddy and Mommy) to be hilarious. However, what I find funny and what they find funny are very very different.

Things I find funny:
•K telling me our bank is called Bank of Captain America.
•E body slamming her big brother. (She finds it funny too but he doesn’t.)
•K singing “Soft Kitty” or saying “Bazinga”.
•Kids dancing. (Any kid. Low coordination + cuteness + dance moves = pure hilarity)
•K talking to the things we pass in the car using different voices.
•E trying to pick up a ball but accidentally kicking it away when she bends over to get it.
•The kids falling asleep in strange places.
•The way K says “yes I mam!” instead of “yes I am”.

Things my kids find funny:
•Watching mommy chase them out of the bathroom holding a towel around her while conditioner runs into her eyes.
•Rolling and giggling while mommy changes a poo diaper.
•Daddy’s exasperated plea for them to stay seated in the bathtub.
•Tooting, someone else tooting, or any talk of tooting.
•Shoving the baby monitor antenna in mommy’s mascara and painting sister with it.
•Splashing in the toilet.
•Trying to pick mommy’s nose when she is sleeping.
•Emus. K cracks up at the word and pictures of the silly birds.

Things grandparents find funny:
•Watching your kids chasten your grandkids for doing the exact same things they used to do.
•Pretty much everything the grandchildren do.

The sunbeam and the storm cloud.

It amazes me everyday how different my children are.

K was a cautious baby. He was wary of each new situation. E has no fear. That girl tackles everything with reckless abandon. K is a talker. E is a doer. She wants to run and jump and climb and keep up with brother.

Their respective attitudes toward waking up are a huge personality difference.

E is pure sunshine in the morning. She is all smiles. It doesn’t take her long to be up and playing. She sings or talks to herself to wake up.

K is a different story. If E is a sunbeam in the morning, he would be the storm cloud. It takes him a while to decide to like people when he first gets up. He even gets up from his naps with temporary grumps.

While I enjoy the sunshine, I identify with the storm cloud. I can appreciate the need to wake up before enjoying human contact. He needs his juice and some peace first. I get it. I remember setting my alarm extra early in high school so I could shower and eat breakfast before seeing anyone.

This morning (after a suitable waking period) we are enjoying Toy Story 2 at the drive-in…

Mama Miller’s Pasta Soup

Be warned, I am not an exact recipe person. I come from a strong southern tradition of throwing whatever you have in a pot and calling it soup or throwing it in the oven for casserole. We tend to view recipes as general guidelines as opposed to precise directions. If you like to know exactly what minuscule fraction of each spice to use, run away now!

Mama Miller’s Pasta Soup

2 32oz cans/boxes of broth (I use fat free chicken)
1-2 package(s) of your favorite pasta (gnocchi, tortellini, or ravioli work best)
1 lb ground turkey or ground beef
1 7.5 oz jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce ( or 2 cups of homemade)
1 6oz can tomato paste
1 tablespoon minced garlic
mushrooms, minced onion, bell peppers, olives, or any other favorite veggies (optional)
Garlic salt, cumin, pepper, parsley, Italian seasoning, or whatever you favorite spices to taste are (this is what I mean by not specific)
olive oil

Bring your broth to a boil in a large pot and add a splash of olive oil, salt, and pasta. (I sometimes add a third can of broth to make it go further.)

While the pasta boils, brown your meat in a skillet. I add a splash of olive oil when using ground turkey. I add my garlic to the meat and the spices I like. Don’t over spice. You can add more later. When the meat is mostly done, I add the veggies and continue to cook until the noodles are done.

When the noodles are al dente, I add the spaghetti sauce, tomato paste, and meat/veggie mix to the pot and let it simmer together for about 30 minutes to an hour (read until we are ready to eat).

The noodles finish cooking through as it simmers. I taste before serving and add any additional spice. We usually serve with bread, salad, and a little Parmesan on top.

Big ol’ pot of soup:

Tonight’s soup has three cans of broth, gnocchi, purple bowtie pasta that K dyed earlier in the week, and ground turkey. K is excited about purple pasta and Andy promised to bring his co-worker lunch.

Have a great night!

Bonus: E eating her soup:

She is very into feeding herself, so she gets good stuff on a plate without much broth.

I don’t negotiate with terrorists

terrorize- to coerce through intimidation

terrorist- a person who terrorizes or frightens others

I am in no way claiming my son is on par with terrorist groups or making light of the horrors of true terrorism. However, by those definitions what toddler/preschooler has not to an extent terrorized their household?

I have a strict policy of not negotiating with terrorists. When stomping, screaming, hitting, or destruction of property are taking place I will not try to rationalize. I will carry the little ball of anger to his room. The message is always the same…

“I cannot understand you when you scream like that. It hurts my ears. When you calm down, we can try talking.”

K now will put himself in timeout occasionally. He’ll tell me he needs to calm down and goes to his bed. Learning self control isn’t easy. I’m proud of him when he calms himself down.

Kids have to learn how to negotiate and take no for an answer with out going crazy and inflicting harm on themselves, others, or household objects. It is much easier to start this process when they are young. Prevention and cure and all that.

A nicer K story:

We worked on the house we are renovating yesterday. K came with us to the “old house” and helped me prime what will be his bedroom. (Here help is defined as occasionally repainting things I had already painted and playing with his hammer and goggles.)

We eventually got tired of paint fumes and went outside to see what Daddy and our friend and pastor, Scott, were doing. He watched Daddy and Scott haul brush to the dumpster and quickly joined in.

Throwing a branch in the dumpster:

I love that he is getting to invest in our soon-to-be home. On the way to pick up sister (who is doing much better) he sleepily jabbered away.

“Look! There is Fort Worth! I can see the tall buildings! Where is Texas? Here Texas! You waiting at home Texas? Look we went under a train Mom! That is awesome! It is Thomas and Percy Dad! Can we ride that train Dad? I love Fort Worth.”

I love that kid, even when he really needs a time-out.

P.S. Thanks again for the prayers for E. She is eating well and hasn’t had a fever in over 24 hours. I think the antibiotics are doing the trick!

The science experiment in my sink.

It would be a vast understatement to say that shopping and cooking have not been at the top of my priority list this week. I’m pretty sure that, other than medicine droppers, dishes haven’t even made a blip on my radar. The only groceries we’ve bought have been saltines and Pedialyte. We have things in our fridge that are closer to petri dishes than food.

Andy has the day off and it became apparent that my family may actually want to eat today. My emergency stash of chicken nuggets is gone. Our freezer is sans Eggos. No fruit. No salad makings. We have pb and j but no bread.

The only lunch options I find are some frozen veggies, a dented can of tomato soup, and my reserve of only-on-the-laziest-of-days blue box mac and cheese. I decide to go for the mac and cheese. I know the 3 year old will eat it and we still have just enough milk for it.

I realize that I will also need a pan. The pan I need is in the overflowing sink of dishes.

Darn!

I dig in and find the pan and the scrub brush. I know scrub brushes are gross but they get off the oatmeal crust so that I can use a clean rag. However, I was startled to find our scrub brush in this state…

That would be a bean spout growing on the scrub brush. I vaguely remember K spilling some dried beans in the sink but surely it wasn’t that long ago? I’m all for science experiments, but I don’t want to find life forms in my sink.

Usually I get the cleaning bug after everyone gets over being sick but I’m just not there yet. E is getting less clingy and I think I need to put on my big girl panties and tackle the kitchen tonight. Andy is working out at the “Old House” this afternoon and has been talked into a grocery run.

Update on E: Only one fever so far. She doesn’t seem to be in pain today. She isn’t eating much but is taking milk well. As long as she improves, we won’t go back to the doctor until after she finishes her antibiotics.

A child’s pain, a mother’s tears

We had a better day today. A full night of sleep really does help. I’m still in a fog and I’ve had more cups of coffee than I care to admit, but seeing E smile today was a relief.

E only had two fevers today and they were far from the 104 of yesterday. She is still very clingy. She plays a bit and then wants to be held. She has eaten a little today as well. She had cake with my mom. After this week, she can have all the cake she wants as long as she is eating. We’ll just call it chocolate therapy.

We had a rough couple of hours this evening. Andy took K to AWANA and E and I were alone. She screamed and arched. She wanted down and then back up. I’m sure her back and kidneys were sore. Poor thing.

I cried with her. Seeing your child in pain is the worst feeling in the world. I couldn’t do anything for her but hold her and hope the medicine kicked in soon.

My heart truly breaks for all the mothers with the privilege, burden, and amazing task of caring for ill children. I cannot fathom their strength. I am exhausted after one week sickness. Those must be the real super heroines and I lift them up in prayer tonight.

E’s Chocolate Therapy:

Update on E

We appreciate all the prayers and kind words. Yesterday was physically and emotionally draining. We are so glad to have a diagnosis. I would have never guessed UTI. We just knew something seemed off. Despite being there for six hours, the hospital staff was very kind to us.

Last night E ate a few bits of bread but refused other food. She did get her first bottle of milk in several days. Her fever spiked once in the evening, so we went back to Pedialyte before bed.

She slept from 9pm to 9am!

The world is a brighter happier place after a full night of sleep. I’m fairly certain that I got more sleep last night than the past few nights combined. I could be wrong though. This whole weeks seems like a blur.

She hasn’t thrown up anymore and had only a very low fever for a while this morning. She attacked her milk with vigor and is currently munching on a whole wheat waffle. (Bless you Eggo.)

I don’t believe in using TV as a babysitter (we don’t even have cable), but sometimes Laurie Berkner, Wiggles, or Handy Manny DVDs are the only reasons I get a shower. They distract just long enough for me to sneak away.

I’m feeling very blessed to have an only slightly clingy, improving E and to not stink like BO and hospital.

A day in the ER

I promise my kids aren’t sick all the time, dear friends. It is just starting to seem that way.

E threw up again last night. At 3:30am she woke me up. A chorus of “mom mom mom mom” came across the monitor. It wasn’t screaming but I could tell something was wrong.

She was feverish but it wasn’t time for more meds yet. I brought her to our bed. I think we finally drifted off around 5:00am. Daddy left for work early and K jumped in bed with us at 6:00am.

Goody.

By 6:30am I could tell my sleep time was up. I checked E and she was burning up. A quick check put her temp at 104.1•f. (Eek!) She was listless and seemed so sad.

Motrin, a cold compress, and a cold bottle of Pedialyte were quickly put into action. While trying to bring her temp down, K started whining about everything.

“I’m firsty!”
“Your juice is on the table.”
“I don’t want juice!!”
“Then don’t drink it…”
“But I’m firsty!”
“You can choose to drink the juice or choose to stay thirsty.”
“I’m hungry!”
“Mommy doesn’t make breakfast until the morning. The sun isn’t awake yet, so it isn’t morning yet.”

This went on for a while.

An hour later E’s temp had only gone down to 102.5. I called the after hours nurse line. They told me to take her to the ER.

6 hours, one chest X-ray, one catheter, 2 shots, and many tears later… She has a bad urinary tract infection. Poor kid. I’m just glad the shakes she has been having where from the pain and being cold and not a febrile seizure. She most likely did have a cold or bug earlier in the week when the rest of us were ill but the UTI took over.

She finally ate a tiny bit of bread this evening and had her first bit of milk in almost 3 days. She played for a little bit and we got a smile out of her. She is still pretty clingy but improving.

K just has allergies and general 3 year old grumps. He is spending the night with his Nonna, Gan (great grandma), and cousins.

Sleep tonight? I hope so!

Pitiful and tired of waiting:

They gave me shots!

Beautiful despite feeling bad: