Mama Miller Parenting

Passionate parenting and homemaking.

If you can’t say something nice/intelligent

on October 11, 2012

I got barfed on today. You get used to a lot of gross things as a parent, but barf is always especially gross.

We went to a craft fair with my mom, grandma, aunt, and cousin. The kids were great during the craft fair. I found a few Christmas gifts and got ideas for others. Afterward we met my sister and her boyfriend at Jason’s Deli.

I was starving, until I heard E gag outside the restaurant. It was everywhere- down my bra, in my purse, my hair. Gross. Big nasty appalling gross.

I had to walk myself and my covered E through Jason’s Deli to get to the restroom. On the way there I passed a table of young corporate looking men.

As I pass I hear, “My God, that woman is covered in vomit! It smells so bad.”

It took a great deal of willpower to avoid turning around and letting loose.

Really? It stinks? Are you sure? I hadn’t noticed.

Filters people. You have to think before speaking, or at least make sure some is truly out of ear shot. This brings me to our list of the day.

Things you should never say to a mom:

1. She/he is s cute!
Unless you are 100% on the gender, just stick with, “What a cutie.” Do not debate the gender of a child within earshot of the parents.

2. He’s too pretty to be a boy!
What does that even mean?! I got this a lot with my son. No mother of a boy wants to hear that they look like a girl. You wouldn’t tell a mom that their baby girl looks too manly to be a girl.

3. Why didn’t you choose to nurse?
Don’t assume bottle feeding was a choice. Health issues may have prevented nursing. Also, it is a personal choice and no one’s business.

4. Why haven’t you potty trained yet?
I got this question in the super market when I was 8 months pregnant and my son had just turned 2. Not okay. Some kids are big for their age. If mom is pregnant, she may be afraid of the big sibling recessing when baby comes. Just don’t go there.

5. Wow, he/she is big/small for their age!
Again, kids come in all sizes. Parents with kids on the high and low end of the scale may be sensitive about their kid’s size. Along the same lines, don’t assume a big/tall kid should be in sports.

6. Are you going to have more? or Don’t you know what causes that?
It is not ok to comment on the size of someone’s family. A new mom is probably busy trying to survive instead of thinking about more. The mom of many may have wanted a big family. Plus you don’t know if they are even able to have more children.

7. Checking a pregnant mom for a wedding ring.
It is nonverbal but still sends a big message. Many pregnant/new moms can’t get their rings on. Plus it is judgmental and rude.

8. Can’t you just get a babysitter?
No, no I can’t. Sitters are for special occasions. Kids are expensive. I will not get a sitter to meet friends at a family friendly restaurant. I will get one to go on a date with my husband but not at the drop of a hat.

9. Whispering anything about a child within earshot of their parents.
Just rude.

10. Look at that red hair! Must be the milkman. or He/she doesn’t look like you at all!
My grandma got that with my uncle. It is never ok to talk about a child not looking like a parent. You don’t know if they adopted, are divorced, or just have recessive genes.

Use common sense and manners when talking to mothers. We are a sleep deprived, occasionally snarky lot.

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One response to “If you can’t say something nice/intelligent

  1. Sarah Speegle says:

    I totally agree! I especially hate when people ask you to get a babysitter. It’s REALLY expensive and we’re not made of money.

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