Mama Miller Parenting

Passionate parenting and homemaking.

Letter to a former self.

on August 8, 2012

This is very personal for me and was on my heart. If you want to read it, you are welcome to do so. If not, that is fine too. It is a letter to myself before kids. I wish I could send it back in time to myself when I was pregnant with my son.

Dear Cori,

You are about to become a mother. I know you think you have an idea of what you are getting into but really you have no clue. You are going to be a mom… Let that sink in for a minute. You are going to be a mom. Of all the titles and hats you’ve worn in your 23 years, none will carry so much weight or encompass your life so fully. You will experience weariness you never knew a person could endure. You will feel a crushing sense of responsibility. You will learn so much.

Let go. You have so many plans. I know you want to have a perfect all natural child birth. You want to nurse with ease and never have to place a bottle to your child’s lips. These wishes are noble but they won’t happen for you and it is OK. Mourn the loss of your plan but know that you will press on. You will have your baby and he won’t go hungry. Let go of your plans and embrace your story. Embrace the story that God has planned for you.

Be prepared to eat a lot of humble pie. You are about to be humbled thoroughly and completely. Your baby will not care about your level of education or how much money you have. He won’t care that snot grosses you out. You will still have to wipe up poop, suck boogers out of little noses, and put your needs (and hygiene) second. Be careful of statements of things you will never do as a parent. You may not do all of them, but you will do some of them. You will be the one getting dirty looks in the restaurant because your child is too loud. You will go out in public with spit-up on your shirt. You will occasionally give in to the demands of your small toddler/dictator. Practice humility now.

Be patient with those that give advice but trust your instincts. You will be bombarded with more advice than you ever expected. People will give you advice on everything from parenting to sleep patterns to how to take care of your body. It will be annoying. You will want to scream. Some will probably deserve it but most mean well. The ones who have been through pregnancy and parenting know how hard it is and just want to help. You don’t have to take all of it to heart. Glean the best bits to file away and throw away the rest with a smile.

It is not possible to “cherish every moment”. There will be moments you could do without. Moments where you are covered in poop and haven’t slept in almost a week. Moments where you can feel the stress rise up into your shoulder blades. People will tell you to cherish every moment but this is total crap. Instead, cherish a few special moments every day. Take the extra time to sniff the smell of freshly washed baby. Cuddle them a little longer. Write down the special moments. Remember the funny things they say. Instead of feeling bad for not cherishing every moment, do your best to cherish this stage of life.

You will be able to love another child. Once you see your son’s sweet face you will be convinced that you could never love another child that much. You will. When your daughter comes along, you will realize that you can love each of them more than you ever thought was possible. They will be two completely different people. They will try your patience in new ways and will grow your heart more than you can imagine.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you are “just a mom”. You will work harder as a mom than any other job you ever have. You will be a nurse, cook, maid, teacher, nutritionist, friend, jungle gym, pillow, disciplinarian, mad scientist, artist, pony, mediator, and counselor in the course of a day. “Mom” is a powerful title. Wear it proudly.

Don’t give up. God has plan for you and your children. You can do this. There will be tears. There will be days that you want to go bed and try again the next day. That is OK, as long as you get up and try the next day. Pray hard. Play hard. Cut your husband some slack- “dad” is as new to him as “mom” is to you.

Love. Always choose love. You can do this. You will do this.

Love,

Yourself in a few years

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11 responses to “Letter to a former self.

  1. auntie k says:

    I love this! It is so sweet and is exactly what every mommy needs to tell herself.

  2. […] I came across Cori’s blog – mama miller parenting.  She makes amazing homemade items like baby wipes and laundry soap and a lot of DIY arts and crafts,  but one post that really stuck out to me was her Letter to a former self. […]

  3. Valerie says:

    I absolutely love this! It isn’t your typical everybody-says-that-about-motherhood letter; I can tell you went through struggles that made you so much stronger more humble. We should all keep in mind that things will not go as we plan in many aspects of our life, but definitely in raising children!
    Yours is my favorite post from the blog party I’ve read yet!! Just lovely.
    Have you printed this to put with your son’s keepsakes? You should. xoxo

    • Thank you so much! I plan on saving it. I was actually a social worker that worked with families before kids. The books and reality are so vastly different! I still use things I learned in college and work, but real life is so much more hard and beautiful than I ever imagined.

  4. […] A beautifully wise post about the truth of motherhood: Mama Miller Parenting […]

  5. lydiaf1963 says:

    I remember fretting about the same thing when I was pregnant with my youngest. Good advice to your former self! 🙂

  6. Denise G. says:

    Lovely post!! If only we could talk to ourselves before big moments happened to ourselves. I wonder if we would listen. 🙂 Found you via the Blog Strut!

    • I agree. It would be great, but I don’t know that I would have listened to me then. Thank you so much for stopping by. My kiddos are on a sleep strike, but I’m hoping to catch up on some blog struttin’ this evening. 🙂

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